i need to apologize.

i feel like i'm doing too much.

which is odd, because at the end of the day, it doesn't seem like enough.

it's not that i'm actually trying to WORK my way into heaven (see God? how many miles i put on the car in the last 6 weeks? if THAT don't get me into heaven, i don't know what ELSE you expect me to do!) it's that i get so tired from DOING that i don't have the energy or the presence of mind to just BE.

BEING is as important as doing. i can get lost in the doing, and forget what it's like to BE.

end of the existential crisis. (not that it's over, i'm just going to drop that part now)

i visited with Gladys this afternoon, and then with Vrenda. two extreme situations. Gladys is just over 80. her children are grown adults. she has GREAT grandkids, not just grandkids.

Vrenda has 8 children, the oldest of which is 12. great kids. they were bouncing around the living room. the oldest daughter offered me lemonade.

Glady's husband is home with her or out in the yard or the workshop putting something together or just puttering around.

Vrenda's husband is somewhere in Portsmouth at a detention center awaiting a court date for a stay of deportation hearing.

the thing is, this SYSTEM of ours, what we proclaim to the world as the fairest and most impartial judicial branch in the world, won't tell either Vrenda or the immigration attorney who is helping her pro-bono, OR the lawyer who is helping her on the FEDERAL level where they have him, when his court date will be, or where. all things they were supposed to have communicated BEFORE beginning the process. we're in the 20 days he has between being released from homeland security custody and being remanded to ... i suppose INS (i know the initials have changed) custody ... so how are folks supposed to take the appropriate steps TO follow the rules if the rules are not explained ... or worse, not FOLLOWED by the very people who REPRESENT the rules???

!!!Dios mio!!! ??A que ha llegado a ser mi pais??